


you’re not alone I’m always in your heart

by Talltoasterstruttle



Series: bottom jinjin [13]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Death, I cried while writing this, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sad Ending, There is no fluff, hate comments, please don't read if you are triggered easily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28024053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talltoasterstruttle/pseuds/Talltoasterstruttle
Summary: Jinoo is the nicest person you'll ever meet...!!trigger warning!! Please read the tags.
Relationships: Kim Myungjun | MJ/Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin/Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin/Park Minhyuk | Rocky/Yoon Sanha, Kim Myungjun | MJ/Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin, Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin, Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin/Everyone, Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin/Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin/Reader, Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin/Yoon Sanha
Series: bottom jinjin [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1844233
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	you’re not alone I’m always in your heart

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry I wrote this at 12:30 am so it's not that good, but I cried while writing this

Jinwoo is the sweetest person you’ll ever meet. He lives to help others, he would give his life to a literal stranger. He was also the leader of the famous group Astro. He is the main reason why Myungjun didn’t give up his life when his father died, he’s the reason Eunwoo hasn’t hurt himself from all the hate comments, he’s the reason Moon bin hasn’t broken down in tears because of the managers yelling, he’s the reason why Minhyuk hasn’t stopped his passion from all the negativity, and he’s the reason Sanha’s depression hasn’t swallowed him completely. 

They owe so much to Jinwoo, and they try to let him know. Though they aren’t the best with words, they try, and that’s all that matters to Jinwoo. He has all he wants, he has the love from his members and some of his fans. 

“Hey, Hyungs?” Sanha yells as he walks through the dorm “yes Sanha?” Jinwoo asks, his eyes don’t shine with the usual light that it shone, that’s when they first knew something was wrong. But they chose to ignore it, maybe it was just a trick of the light? “Do you know where Eunwoo hyung is? I haven’t seen him at all today.” Sanha asked Jinwoo, The other’s eyes shone with worry as he quickly went to Eunwoo’s room and knocked on the door. 

Jinwoo waited for an answer, but all he heard was a muffled sob. Jinwoo quickly entered the room, only to see a sight he never wanted to see in his life. Eunwoo had a blade hovering over his thigh. “Baby no no no!” Jinwoo said before rushing to Eunwoo’s side and taking the blade from his hand. “Can you tell Hyung what’s wrong?” Jinwoo asked, moving Eunwoo’s hair out of his eyes. “Would you judge me?” Eunwoo sobbed, hiding from his hyung. “No, I would never judge you,” Jinwoo whispered tears threatening to fall at the sight of one of his members hurting themselves. “It’s just everything, the hate, the fear of not being good enough, the stress, everything has been getting to my head and it hurts,” Eunwoo whispered back. “I want you to listen to me carefully okay?” Jinwoo asked pulling the other in tight, “People say hateful things because they lack confidence in themselves, they see someone beautiful and they want to cut it down because they aren’t as perfect. You are good enough in my eyes, you are and were always good enough. But for the stress, I have no answer but come to me, I’ll try and help as much as I can, no matter how hard it is.” Jinwoo softly spoke, his words healing the wounds in Eunwoo’s heart bit by bit. “I wish I was as confident as you.” Eunwoo admired, “trust me, I’m not nearly as confident as I try to act,” Jinwoo said, a tear slipping from his eyes, this is all his fault, he didn’t notice sooner. “Thank you Hyung” Eunwoo settled on, but a worry nagged his brain, what did he mean not as confident? 

Sanha was young, he was emotional, but that doesn’t mean his feelings weren’t valid, even if his depression said otherwise. “Jinwoo, Sanha won’t eat, he hasn’t eaten all day!” Myungjun yelled through the dorm, Jinwoo softly put down the book he was reading, and walked over to the dining table. “Sanha, baby, would you tell me what’s wrong?” Sanha shook his head. “Hey guys, would you mind if you left to your rooms for a bit? I’ll call you back when we’re done.”Jinwoo asked, his voice soft like he was afraid of breaking them. “Of course.” “they don’t have to leave because I’m stupid,” Sanha muttered, ashamed of making the others leave the dinner table. “You’re not stupid, I’m just trying to get you comfortable I understand it might be hard to tell me about your problems with a lot of other people around you!” Jinwoo explained. “Oh, thank you Hyung” Sanha smiled. After the others left the room, Sanha started talking “I just feel fat, I feel like if I eat too much then I’ll get too big, but it’s not just that, it’s that I don’t feel like I can eat, I feel like if I do, my stomach will just throw up everything it just ate.” Jinwoo quietly nodded along as Sanha explained, waiting patiently for his turn to talk. “Sanha, you will never be fat, and even if you do get fat, you’ll still be just as handsome as you are now. And for the eating problem, you need to at least try, for me, and if you throw it all up, I’ll clean it up happy you tried.” Jinwoo explained while stroking Sanha’s hair. “Thank you so much and Hyung, how did you know to get the others away for a bit,” “because I know myself that it can get overwhelming when too many people know what you’re problems are,” Jinwoo explained, making Sanha concerned, but before he could ask, the others were called back to the table. 

Myungjun’s dad died overnight, and it devastated the whole family, but especially Myungjun. Because he and his father had an unbreakable bond, that was now broken by death. Myungjun broke down in the middle of the hallway, a week after he heard the news, and cried in Jinwoo’s arms, breaking the younger’s heart. “Would you like everyone to stay or go?” Jinwoo softly asked, patting the others back. “I want them to go” Myungjun sobbed. The others left swiftly, whispering loving words as they left. “I just want to die, he was the only thing holding me together, he supported me when none of my family did, and now he’s gone forever, the only way I could see him is if I were to go too, but I don’t want to hurt you all, but at the same time, I don’t want to live anymore!” Myungjun sobbed, “listen, we need you, and I’m sure your father would want you alive just as much as we do because he loves you, and so do we, so keep that in your brain because I don’t want you to ever forget that. I know this is hard, but please, take my words into consideration before you hurt yourself.” Jinwoo replied delicately “how do you know?” Myunjun asked, curious because Jinwoo seemed to be so happy all the time. “Because when I was a trainee, the same thoughts passed to my head.” Jinwoo sighed. He pulled the younger up before they could talk much more and added, “let’s go cuddle and watch a movie.”

Moon bin was the manager’s second least favorite, not because of his dancing, but because he “wasn’t handsome” which is bull shit. The manager yelled at Moon bin often, but one time, he lost it and started to sob uncontrollably. As soon as Jinwoo saw this, he ran to Moon bin’s side from his dance position. “Hey, look at me, don’t listen to him, just listen to me, you are none of those things, you are beautiful, you are amazing, you are kind, and most importantly you are loved,” Jinwoo whispered to the other, calming him down. “JINWOO GO BACK TO YOUR POSITION!” The manager yelled at him, “no, not until moon bin calms down, and you apologize!” Jinwoo angrily stated, before turning back to the younger. Moon bin was a lot calmer, but he still had sporadic sobs. “Fine, I’m sorry moon bin.” the manager said before sitting back in his chair. “Hey, you okay?” Jinwoo asked, “I’m fine, but how did you know what to say to me?” “because those were the words I wished to hear when I was struggling,” Jinwoo said before standing up and dragging moon bin, “now let’s continue practice.” 

Minhyuk always loved dancing but the overwhelming amount of hate comments towards his passion has made him resent it. He was at his breaking point, he was about to give up when Jinwoo like the angel he is, went in and saved him. “Hyung I think I want to quite…” Minhyuk said to Jinwoo when they were eating breakfast alone. “I won’t force you to stay, but can you at least tell me why you want to leave us?” Jinwoo asked softly, tears threatening to fall because all he wants is for them to stay forever, but if Minhyuk leaves, it’ll never be the same. “Well, I just feel like I’m holding you guys back with my horrible dancing and rapping skills…” “baby, you in no way, shape, or form, bad at dancing or rapping, in most people’s opinion, your the best at both of those things. Don’t listen to the people who tell you otherwise, we wouldn’t be the same without you, I promise.” Jinwoo calmed the other, “thank you so much hyung, I feel a lot better now!” Minhyuk said jumping into the arms of the other. “Why do you think I’m better than you at rapping?” Minhyuk asked, “because that’s what I’ve been told” Jinwoo softly whispered, Minhyuk could barely hear him. “Anyways, what to watch a movie?” He said pulling the younger up with him. Minhyuk was so shocked to hear that coming from Jinwoo’s mouth, that he just nodded along. 

“Jinwoo, you keep telling us weird things that hint to us that you’re hiding something, please tell us what it is,” Myungjun asked “Nothing, I’m fine.” Jinwoo smiled from across the dinner table. “Jinwoo…” Moon bin spoke dangerously “I’m your hyung” Jinwoo replied in the same serious tone. “Please were just trying to help…” Minhyuk said tears falling, “well there’s nothing you can do.” Jinwoo snapped before running away from the table. 

“Jinwoo won’t answer his phone…” Eunwoo worriedly broke the silence of the dorm. “Let’s go check on him..” the others agreed worriedly. When they knocked on the door there was no response, so they opened the door.

“OH MY GOD!” Myungjun yelled rushing to Jinwoo’s lifeless body. He shook Jinwoo, trying to get him to wake up, but to no avail, he stayed in an internal sleep“YOU STAY AWAKE DO YOU HEAR ME?! DON’T YOU DARE KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED LIKE THAT! PLEASE! COME ON!” Sanha cried while calling the ambulance, the others just could not believe what was happening, their leader, their sunshine, their baby, their reason to live, had just committed the very thing he told them not to commit, suicide. 

It was 12:01 am on Christmas day when Jinwoo was pronounced dead. Their hearts shattered at the news, it hurt like bullets. They were to carry Jinwoo’s casket the day after. They were sobbing, holding each other in their arms, it was over, they were to never see him again. All because they didn’t make Jinwoo tell them what was troubling him sooner. 

It was finally their turn to give a speech. They walked up to the podium on by one, Myungjun started first.

“Jinwoo, baby, you were the one who told me not to commit suicide, you were the reason I didn’t and now, here we are, at your funeral,” Myungjuns voice breaks “It’s all my fault, I knew something was up, but I didn’t investigate, if it wasn’t for me, you would be with us right now, we wouldn’t be here, standing next to your casket, wishing that it was us instead. But you would tell me not to blame myself, so I guess I won’t, but please, angel, come back to us, we can’t live without you!” Myungjun cried, tears falling as Moon bin hugged him. 

Next, it was moon bins turn. “You know, When I said I wanted to be a group like Shinee, I didn’t mean like this.” Moon bin laughed, “another thing I want you to know is, you were the world to me, you cared so much more than any other leader, and now you’re gone… I wish it was me…” Moon bin cried into Sanha’s arms. 

Then it was Sanha’s “Hyung, I thought you’d grow old with me…” was all Sanha could say before he broke down into tears, Crying at the thought of never seeing his Hyung who fought tooth and nail for him, who loved him more than just his boyfriend. 

“All I can say is, why did you leave me? Why did you leave us?” Minhyuk said before crying into Eunwoo’s arms as he gave his speech. “You were there for me when I hurt myself, but why, why, why, did you do the same thing that you told me not to do, but on a whole another level. I don’t think we can exist in this world as Astro if you aren’t the leader…” Eunwoo cried as they walked off stage, their heartbreaking bit by bit. It broke even farther when they left the place where the funeral was held. 

They never truly moved on from Jinwoo, they loved him way more than any friend should after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry you had to read that.


End file.
